Parenting A Disrespectful Teenager

Parenting a disrespectful teenager can be very challenging and draining for any parent. I, myself, being a parent of twin 15 1/2 year old boy/girl teenagers find that they tend to test the lines as well as cross them on a daily basis. You have to set those rules and "stay" with them and be consistent!

Disrespect is a very difficult thing to overcome with a teenager. Many teenagers feel that they have the right to voice their opinions but tend to say it in a way that comes across in such a way that is disrespectful instead of a firm and assertive way that gets their point across the way that they intended. We, as parents, need to make sure that our teenagers understand that parenting them comes from love and we try on a daily basis to earn their respect and in turn they should show the respect that in turn show them!

Teens may often be prickly and argumentative, not showing that they want to be cared about. But they do. You can show that you care by taking interest in their lives, friends, and activities. You can be patient with their struggle to move into adulthood. A willingness to listen respectfully to their ideas, even when they are outlandish, is a powerful way of showing love.

When your teenager disrespects you, yelling at them is not the way to get them to understand you. It only provokes anger from them as well as allow it to well up inside up inside of you. A calm and steady voice tends to be better received and accepted and shows them that what you are saying is coming from love and NOT from anger. If you want respect, you have to "give" respect. When we show understanding it helps a teenager feel valued. It ultimately helps them better solve their own problems.

Pick battles very carefully. Some battles are not worth fighting. I have a system I use called Basket A, B and C. Basket A is non-negotiable, Basket B is negotiable and Basket C is a throw away. In other words, Basket C is a situation where you just let it go and worry about the more important things. This system, believe it or not, really works!

Highlighted hair, multiple earrings, or a tighter shirt may be an expression of a teenager's individuality and that is why we have to pick our battles. We are unwise to attack such things. However, there may are many times when it is wise to discuss teenager's decisions with them: If your teenage daughter decides to pierce her tongue, you might say, "A tongue ring may seem very exciting to you. Other people might see it very differently. A doctor will see it as unhealthy. Many adults will see it as weird and inconvenient. What does it mean to you?" Sometimes just asking the right questions can help teens find their own answers.

Parents often get stuck in a battle of wills with their teens. Everyone loses in such a battle. As parents, we help our children get what they want-BUT in a way we feel good about and when those wants are beneficial. Teens want fun and friends. There may be times, especially in early teen years when we will invite them to have a party at home rather than go to an activity that may be unsafe. Keeping a win-win attitude is the basis of real problem solving.

Part of the difficulty of being a teen is the discovery that parents are not perfect. That realization can actually be turned in to an asset when teens see you as humble, still learning, and willing to find better ways to be a parent. Invite their suggestions. Discuss possibilities with them. Above all, show them that they are important to you.